Comments (0)

By Vegasbab, October 30, 2008 3:06 pm

I currently hate my Account Team. I hope they all rot in hell and die.

Here’s some tips if you’re a BDA and don’t want your Client to wish the same:

1. Don’t question my budget. HELLO, I want to spend money. It’s not coming from your initial budget. You’re telling me you don’t want “free” money?
2. Don’t refuse to make tracking tags for me. To me, this is never in your best interest. It’s especially not a good idea when the Client knows how to do this themselves and truly understands how easy and fast it can be done. Moreover, remember that little layoff thing we’re doing right now? Yea… I’d be generating tags left and right and bending over backwards to kiss my Client’s ass. But, hey, that’s just me.
3. If you’re pitching a new media buy, here’s some things to include in the initial email: Publisher, what type of media it is, the cost and what I’m getting for that cost. You know, just the basics. If you want to throw in what the targeting is, that would be helpful too. It shouldn’t take FOUR emails and several days to get this information. You clearly did not think before sending these emails. I ask the SAME questions every time. Why haven’t you figured out what those are and PROACTIVELY answer them.
4. Don’t lie. Don’t lie about availability. Don’t lie about performance and don’t lie about CPM cost. I personally know all the publishers you work with. How come they have availability when I call? In case you didn’t realize it, I understand the raw numbers. In fact, I think I can read the reports better than you. Either that or you never look at them. For once, I’d like you to point out when something is strangely tanking or a tag clearly fell off. As for the “special” CPMs you got? Yeah, I got that price too when I called the main line.
5. FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, update my creative. Hell, I did the hard part and had them created. All you have to do is upload, turn off the old ones and turn these on. I know how long this takes too… maybe 10 minutes. It’s been seven months and you still don’t have them right. Shit, at this rate it’s faster to get a print buy updated.
6. Be a team player. Ummm we have this “little” event tomorrow. EVERY other department is busting their asses to get things updated, special creative completed, etc. So far, EVERY other department has miraculously accomplished what needed to get done (somebody somewhere loves me). So why can’t your team???? It’s not like I sprung this on you out of the blue. I’m going to completely lose it if my stuff doesn’t go live because you’re pouting and don’t want to play nice. I’m also going to fire you on the spot… my little promotion gives me the power to actually do this all by my lonesome, not just threaten it

Comments (0)

By Vegasbab, October 30, 2008 12:40 am

In my “I really need to sleep, but feel too sick to do so” state, I came to a realization… there’s a huge difference between great sex and great orgasms.

You can have great sex with a lot of people. In fact, you can have a so-so orgasm and still have great sex. But, you can’t have a great orgasm without great sex. It’s like the best of both worlds.

While great sex is something to strive for, I think I’m going to focus more on having great orgasms.

PS: Okay, there was more to this, but I lost it… the rest was really good though (at least in my head). Let’s pretend I’m letting you figure out the rest of the reasons

Comments (2)

By Vegasbab, October 28, 2008 9:47 pm

Just a few more things I don’t get:

1. Why would you lay off staff members 4-5 days before your biggest event of the ENTIRE year?! Wait, I take that back. The damn event has supposedly been 10 years in the making. The event has already received crap reviews. “All” eyes are going to be on you. There will be a significant number of celebrities present. That would be A- list celebs, not our typical D list celebs. You need everything to go flawlessly. You need all hands on deck. Oh yeah, and having good employee morale wouldn’t hurt either. I think the parent company would understand and be okay with you keeping much needed staff around for a few more days.
2. Why can’t I stop coughing?! It’s been FOUR weeks. I’m not sure if it’s the medicine or the coughing, but I “cough” up one out of every three meals. I’m sure all my coworkers want to murder me / are sick of hearing me cough. Yeah, I can find no positive out of this. Oh wait, yes I can… I’ve lost 5 pounds from my new aversion to eating.
3. I’m not making excuses and I’m not asking for special treatment. But, HOLY FUCK back off and figure out how to do your job for 30 minutes. We’re all short staffed. We’ve all taken on new roles. Stop whining. Stop making excuses. Stop fucking up and making me do double work. Start pulling your own weight or go back to Florida. How you’ve made it through the cuts so far, I will never know.
4. Yuck. I don’t cry. Shit happens, it sucks and you move on. I have no idea how to deal with all the crying people around me. Thank god my “new” Partner in Crime doesn’t cry either.
5. HELLO you are in the process of cutting 5,000 employees. Why in the world would you want to announce a promotion in the middle of it?! I’ll wait a few weeks thank-you-very-much. Hell, I’ll wait a few months. Thank God you had the mindset to listen to rational people.

Comments (0)

By Vegasbab, October 24, 2008 8:27 pm

Yeah, yeah, I know I’ve posted this picture before, but it deserves a repost. I just wish the site could do more damage to the picture. I must say, my dream came half true during filming. But, alas, I wasn’t there to witness it and the honor went to a bull, not me.

Remember when I was super excited to launch a show? Next time I’ll know better and run away screaming. Countdown: 7 days. But let’s not kid ourselves, the madness won’t end in seven days… it will have just begun. But, PLEASE, let me live in my fantasy world for at least a few days

Comments (0)

By Vegasbab, October 21, 2008 7:56 pm

Every year on my birthday I get a special delivery… a birthday card from a dead guy. Seriously.

So far, the cards have always been funny. This year’s said, “You’re officially closer to 30 than 20.” It was one of our inside jokes.

Part of me is glad he had the insight to do this. Part of me hates it. This year, I was comforted by it. I finally realized the point – no matter where I go, I never have to look back; the people I care about will always be right beside me.

Comments (0)

By Vegasbab, October 20, 2008 8:40 pm

The new Mac ads are brilliant. In two, 30 second spots, Mac effectively destroyed Microsoft’s $300 million dollar campaign and solidifies who really rocks at making Mac vs. PC ads.

A few of the things that make this campaign great:

1. Timeliness. Microsoft’s campaign launched around September 19. Thirty days later, Mac was able to come back with not one, but two rebuttals.
2. Without negativity, Mac brings two “painful” issues to the forefront – money and Vista.
3. The best part? In one day, Mac’s “Bean Counter” ad received 144,975 views on YouTube. Microsoft’s “Shoe Circus” ad has received 957,999* views to date. *Microsoft was a moron and didn’t properly promote or have a YouTube Channel. Thus, the video has received several more views from other’s who uploaded the video first and made it findable. But, I refuse to count those

Now if only I hadn’t just bought a new Vaio… damn.

Comments (3)

By Vegasbab, October 20, 2008 7:57 pm

What your title really means:

Executive Assistant: You hold the keys to the kingdom. Milk it for all its worth.

Manager: Honestly, do you really manage anything? This is for the people who have surpassed the Account Executive-esque titles, but are still a LONG step away from being a Director. This title is also for those who don’t want the “fun”, extra responsibilities that come along with being a Director. You know, like “volunteering” on New Year’s Eve to be part of the Welcoming Committee.

Director: One step away from VP. Too bad it will be a step many years in the making. Oh, and while you’re taking that step, prepare to work a crap load of hours.

Executive Director: You’ve been with the company forever. But, you suck at managing people and haven’t come up with an original, trail blazing idea, in well, ever. We can’t promote you to VP, but after so many years, we had to give you something.

Vice President: Yeah, you’re cool, but you’ll never be as cool as the President. Plus, you still have to ask, “How high?” when the President tells you to jump.

President: Yes, it’s cool that you’re Mr. All Powerful. But, you have to make all the tough decisions like who to fire and what to get everyone for Christmas.

Comments (0)

By Vegasbab, October 19, 2008 10:54 pm

In general, I think titles are silly and shortsighted. The moment someone announces a title, they’re pigeonholed, not only to themselves but also to those around them. It’s why I rarely use titles, as cool as they may be

Titles are shortsighted because they don’t translate across the board. A coordinator in one department is a glorified secretary while in another department they’re the ones optimizing a media plan. The title of girlfriend may mean a serious, monogamous relationship to one party. However, to another party, “girlfriend” simply means they’ve slept together 3+ times. Being the President of a start-up company is completely different from being the President of a Fortune 500 company. By not being translatable across the board, others only understand your title through their perspective and not for what it actually describes.

In addition to being shortsighted, titles are plain silly. They automatically and unfairly categorize a person. They don’t take into account the things that should matter like passion, boldness and the ability to blaze new trails. Oftentimes, titles stop people from voicing brilliant opinions and allow them to say, “That’s not my job.” That to me is the silliest thing of all.

Will you allow your title and those of others to prevent your team from achieving success.

Comments (0)

By Vegasbab, October 19, 2008 10:02 pm

David Armano’s newest picture, The Corporate Social Media Curve, made me chuckle as I’ve seen this all too often. However, I’ve discovered an easy way to avoid this curve… educate and excite.

If you have to involve legal folks, old school PR people and IT, then there’s only one way to get everyone on board. If you take the time to educate and excite before shoving something down people’s throats, not only will they be on board, but they will be appreciative and excited about the initiative.

Comments (0)

By Vegasbab, October 17, 2008 10:02 pm

Today was filled with unexpected excitement.

Part of me is trying really hard to not count my chickens before they “officially” hatch. The other part is realizing that the creation of a ”When I was 26″ list will be needed. If this chicken hatches, I will have completed the three “realistic” items on my “When I was 25” list.

To top it off, while I’m still far away from qualifying for the Ironman World Championships, I am well on my way to competing in a regular Ironman… solid swims, rocking the running and actually biking. Although, biking is still the weakest link. [side note: Ugh! I hate weak links.]