I’ve been doing a lot of traveling and searching lately. With it, I figured it was time to make some additions to my list of 25 Random Things. Here goes nothing…
- I love flip flops. I love heels too, but I could wear flip flops every day of my life and be happy
- I dislike snobby, pretentious and rude people
- I’d rather eat an In-n-Out burger or play beer pong at a dive bar than go to a fancy restaurant or a high maintenance event. Beer and good friends will do just fine
- I hate what social media has done to us as a society. It was much nicer when we spent more quality time with real people in person or picked up the phone when we wanted to talk
- I don’t like wearing earrings, but I do because my mom always said you were naked without them
- I think a girl looks sexier in pj pants then lingerie
- I love the people in my life who can sit with me for long stretches in silence. No phones, no TV, just silence
- I like insanely cheesy movies
- I can still walk away from anything in my life in 30 seconds. A part of me is saddened by this
- I love perfectly painted toenails, but I hate perfectly painted fingernails
- Staying for breakfast still scares the hell out of me. To me, it’s the kinkiest thing you can do
- I’d rather be an ice cream maker than a Barista
- I LOVE big cities, but I also LOVE small towns
- I don’t know what my “thing” is. I wish I had one
- Scobby Doo, Spiderman and The Beatles have been ruined for me. How do you go on loving things when they always make you think of people who hurt you?
- Sometimes, I wonder if I’ve ever really been in love. On the flip side, I wonder if anyone’s really loved me. I see what others do for the ones they really love and since no one has done that for me, well…
- I’m always scared and scream, but I love carnival rides
- I’m impulsive and give in to what I want. A lot. I wish I had more self control. Most of the time, I regret not holding out
- I love trashy romance novels and spy stories. It’s one of my ways of unplugging, shutting off my head and escaping
- While I have a gift for writing, I have no desire to write a book like everyone else seems to. I wouldn’t mind editing a friend’s, but writing my own book is not on my bucket list
- I admire and envy the people who never look back and can walk away from friends. I don’t know if I’m too loyal, care too much or am just plain stupid
- The thing that scares me most about being pregnant is that my feet will get bigger and stay that way. I love my tiny feet. Besides my nose, they’re my favorite body part
- I love kids. They are these amazing, tiny people who always help you see clearer.
- I have horrible hand-eye coordination. I’m self conscious about it. Yet, my horse skills are amazing. Not sure how
- One day, maybe my birthday wish will come true. One day.
I love my blog. Maybe that’s a little narcissistic to say, but I do. I won’t share the story of why or how I started it, but I love it nonetheless. Throughout the years, it has been a constant that has grown with me. It’s been my “twitter” of short posts before I knew what twitter was. It’s been my place to rant and bare my soul. My blog has been the keeper of favorite links, adventures and mistakes left best forgotten. It’s also been a place to talk about social media, advertising, mobile and more. To me, the mixture is what makes the ups and downs and sides to sides of life. To me, the mixture is me.
I’ve been thinking about what form this blog will take on next. I have a few ideas up my sleeve. These days, I don’t rant much. And, I also don’t talk about social media often. There’s just too much noise and others talking about the same old things. Nor do I talk about work much. Maybe because I’m not doing much of it lately. Either way, I think this blog will transform again. I’d say buckle up, but I’m not quite ready to play it safe, so why should you
For some reason, I love this song by Rob Thomas. Maybe because it references mockingbirds and that song holds a special place in my heart. Maybe because it has the ability to embody personal and professional trials.
Here we stand
Somewhere in between this moment and the end
Will we bend?
Or will we open up and take this whole thing in?
Everybody else is smiling and their smiles don’t fade
And you don’t even wonder why you just don’t think that way
Maybe you and me got lost somewhere, we can’t move on we can’t stay here
Well maybe we’ve just had enough, well maybe we ain’t meant for this love
You and me tried everything
But still that mocking bird wont sing
Well man this life seems hard enough
Well maybe we ain’t meant for this love
I don’t wanna love you now, if you’ll just leave someday
I don’t wanna turn around, if you’ll just walk away
Maybe you and me got lost somewhere, we can’t move on we can’t stay here
While I’m not convinced that “time heals all wounds,” I am convinced that time does help you overcome anything. This year, many anniversaries came, went and left me unscathed. Who knows, maybe a tiger really can change their stripes. And maybe, just maybe, good things continue to fall apart so GREAT things can fall together. And yes, no matter what, you have to believe that the best is yet to come.
It’s short. It’s immediate. It’s all things I can do on my own… no “better half” needed, you know, just in case
- See the Northern Lights
- Visit London, Greece and Ireland
- Cross off a few more items on my sex list
- Visit the Warhol museum
- Spend my last days in St. Thomas on a beach, near the ocean
Short, sweet, simple and easily doable. I’m sure there’s more, but I like to keep my lists to five or less.
I like to believe that life is a series of moments. I call them rides. People come into your life for a reason. And sometimes, as painful as it is, they also go. Sometimes, they come back, but not often.
Matt came into my life to teach me about first loves. He also taught me that white picket fence realities weren’t real.
Christopher taught me the unconditional love of a mom. He taught me I was breakable, but that I could also put myself back together.
Rory. Oh, where to begin? He taught me about real sex and friendship. Most importantly, he taught me about the people who come into your life for periods of time to fill a void. I filled a void for him and he for me. A true “friend in need is a friend indeed” scenario. I could never say it to his face, but I loved him. I loved him for the man I watched him become.
And then there’s Mr. M. He was one moment that thankfully lasted longer than I ever imagined. The ride I took with him was one I broke a lot of rules for. But, my heart rarely listens to my head and is stubborn enough to always gamble it all. As many rules as I broke, I wouldn’t change a thing. The bumps, the broken rules, the things that went wrong, helped me appreciate when things went oh, so right. Who knows, maybe we’ll meet again on another ride.
The one lesson I remind myself each time? Even if the moments are short, you never have to stop loving the rides taken and wishing those who took them with you happiness.
I’m always searching for answers. Maybe it’s the kid in me. When I was little, my mom used to say, “The answer machine is broken” after I had asked “why” too many times. Maybe it’s the writer/journalist in me. Maybe it’s a girl thing. Maybe it’s a me thing. Either way, I’ve always liked getting to the root of things. Maybe it’s why I’m good at analytics and forecasting… I dig and dig and dig until I find the root of the issue.
Sometimes though, I have to remind myself that it’s okay to not have all the answers. This post reminds me that sometimes, the answers that you think you need aren’t what you need at all. But, I sure as hell still want them… that’s the part of me that enjoys the harsh reality of honesty
I build a lot of walls. And sometimes, I let them down just enough to let someone in. Other times, I break them entirely. And sometimes, you build walls because you don’t believe in the “impossible.” But, what happens when the impossible becomes possible? What happens when you want something (or someone) so badly, that you’re willing to let down all the walls? Usually, when that happens you end up with a broken heart and a tattoo And no, my June 19th tattoo won’t be of a brick wall. You’ll just have to wait, but suffice it to say it’ll have many lessons behind it. And yes, it’ll hurt like hell. More than my first one.
This whole year, all I’ve done is turn a corner only to be dragged down into the abyss again. When will the rip tide let go? When is it my turn for things to go as planned or wanted? I hope it’s soon, because there’s only so long someone can fight a rip tide.
I look at my “blogging” from the past few months and I have to wonder, Where Am I? I can always look back at my posts and frequency and see patterns – patterns when I was busy, unhappy, ecstatic, loving it all, reflecting, etc. To me, it’s a pretty cool representation of the “ups-and-downs and sides-to-sides” of my life.
To me, looking back at the pattern of the last two months speaks volumes.
And I have to wonder, why am I torturing myself? When and why did I compromise the one promise I ever made to myself? Both personally and professionally I feel like I’m right below the surface, not drowning, but right below. A bit like a perfect storm between the two parts of my life. And, no matter how hard I try, struggle and fight, I just can’t seem to break the surface for more than a few seconds.
I hope I start blogging again soon. Not these lame picture posts, but real ones, with real opinions. I know that when I do, it’ll mean that everything’s okay again.
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