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By Vegasbab, May 31, 2010 3:25 pm

I build a lot of walls. And sometimes, I let them down just enough to let someone in. Other times, I break them entirely. And sometimes, you build walls because you don’t believe in the “impossible.” But, what happens when the impossible becomes possible? What happens when you want something (or someone) so badly, that you’re willing to let down all the walls? Usually, when that happens you end up with a broken heart and a tattoo And no, my June 19th tattoo won’t be of a brick wall. You’ll just have to wait, but suffice it to say it’ll have many lessons behind it. And yes, it’ll hurt like hell. More than my first one.

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By Vegasbab, May 29, 2010 7:14 am

This whole year, all I’ve done is turn a corner only to be dragged down into the abyss again. When will the rip tide let go? When is it my turn for things to go as planned or wanted? I hope it’s soon, because there’s only so long someone can fight a rip tide.

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By Vegasbab, May 4, 2010 8:47 pm

I look at my “blogging” from the past few months and I have to wonder, Where Am I? I can always look back at my posts and frequency and see patterns – patterns when I was busy, unhappy, ecstatic, loving it all, reflecting, etc. To me, it’s a pretty cool representation of the “ups-and-downs and sides-to-sides” of my life.

To me, looking back at the pattern of the last two months speaks volumes.

And I have to wonder, why am I torturing myself? When and why did I compromise the one promise I ever made to myself? Both personally and professionally I feel like I’m right below the surface, not drowning, but right below. A bit like a perfect storm between the two parts of my life. And, no matter how hard I try, struggle and fight, I just can’t seem to break the surface for more than a few seconds.

I hope I start blogging again soon. Not these lame picture posts, but real ones, with real opinions. I know that when I do, it’ll mean that everything’s okay again.

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By Vegasbab, April 26, 2010 3:13 pm

Time is going by so much faster than I…

You’re never gonna be alone from this moment on
If you ever feel like letting go, I won’t let you fall
You’re never gonna be alone, I’ll hold you til the hurt is gone

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By Vegasbab, April 13, 2010 12:00 am

From work to boys to friends. I just wish I knew how to make things right.

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By Vegasbab, April 12, 2010 9:34 pm

Four years ago this week my one night stand became my Back Alley Friend. Funny how life works out, huh? It certainly didn’t turn out how either of us planned

To the man who filled a void when I needed it most. It was one hell of a roller coaster ride!

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By Vegasbab, March 29, 2010 9:57 pm

This is how I feel about everything at the moment. I hope it’s true. I think it’s true. With all my heart, I want it to be true. I have to believe it’s true. Why? Because if it’s not, then I don’t know what I’m doing or fighting for.

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By Vegasbab, February 14, 2010 5:11 pm

I have a lot of friends getting married. I also have a lot of friend getting divorced. They ask me what it’s like to be single, to live alone… Here goes:

The Pros:
It’s great. It’s everything you imagined about being autonomous. It’s always about you and your choices. Just remember not to become so selfish that you forget what others want and need (Sometimes, I’m guilty of this).

You can work or stay out as late as you want. You can walk around your house naked and no one will say a word. You can eat (or drink) whatever you want, whenever you want with no nagging.

Want to go to the movies? Go. Want to take a take a quick ski trip? No problem.

The Cons:
On really great days, you don’t have a built in person to come home and celebrate with. However, there’s always a friend or coworker who’s willing and ready to celebrate your good fortune with you.

But, then there’s the really bad days. On those days, there’s no one to come home to either. There’s no one to hug you or or get drunk with or hold you til you fall asleep. You learn a different “strength” in order to hold yourself.

Yes, every once in awhile, the eerily silent nights get to you. No amount of going out changes that, in fact, it makes it worse. It’s like being alone in a crowded room. But, again, you’ll learn a new “strength” to handle the eerie nights beautifully.

And every once in a blue moon, you’ll yearn to be held so badly that it will take every muscle in your body to make it through the night alone. Then, if you’re lucky, you’ll spend a day at the park (or wherever) with kids and you’ll know… everything’s gonna be alright.

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By Vegasbab, January 23, 2010 8:41 pm

Looking back on my posts from last January, I stumbled on this one. I thought it might be fun to update the project with my tweets from 2009. So, here it is, with @replies removed again. Thanks to TweetScan and Wordle for the fun and insights!

Worlde of Tweets from 2008:

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By Vegasbab, January 15, 2010 11:42 pm

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately. I know, you can probably see the smoke

We all think we’re going to be great and we feel a little bit robbed when our expectations aren’t met, but sometimes our expectations sell us short. Sometimes the expected simply pales in comparison to the unexpected. You’ve got to wonder why we cling to our expectations because the expected is just what keeps us steady, standing still, the expected is just the beginning. The unexpected is what changes our lives.

I want the unexpected. I want the challenge. I want to always be happy, but never satisfied enough to sit on my laurels. I want chaos and passion. I want to always be busier than I can handle. I don’t want everything to add up. I want good things to fall apart, so better things can fall together. And, if that’s truly what I want, then I need to take the leap again, and build a new set of wings on the way down.