Whiskey Notes and Parachuting Fish

 How do you know if you miss someone/thing or the idea of that person/thing?

It’s a question I’ve had over the last week or so, although I’m not quite sure how to answer it. Thanks to this blog, I can read back on a lot of memories; they bring the moments back to life. What the memories don’t bring to life are the possibility of the present and future moments if that person or thing (say a job or city) were still in your life. Maybe we don’t miss the past memories at all. Maybe what we miss are the possibilities, the mystique.

A lot of my single friends know exactly what they want in a partner. They have a list of criteria for someone to live up to. I’ve never had one. I’ve never been able to articulate what my “perfect guy” looks like. But, I think I’m starting to get a pretty good idea.

When I think about the person I want to confide in, curl up next to or come home to, here’s some things he does:

1. He’s honest & direct to a fault
2. He’s funny & silly & is always up for riding all the rides at Disney no matter how old he gets
3. He likes kids & is open to the idea of maybe one day having them (or not)
4. He’s okay on his own – he has his own passions & doesn’t need a 24/7 babysitter
5. He LOVES to travel, especially to places he’s never been
6. He makes a good work out partner
7. He never tires of giving me back rubs
8. He thinks I’m pretty even with no makeup. In sweats
9. He takes the time to figure out my favorite flowers & sends them “just because it’s Tuesday”
10. He wants to know all of me – including the skeletons of my past
11. He knows that even though I’ll never admit it, I’m a cheesy romantic at heart
12. He knows how much I love the night stars & so he names one after me
13. He’s a guy that I’m not afraid to tell any secrets to, including my love of cheesy ABC Family made-for-TV movies and this blog
14. He’s strong enough to take care of me
15. Most importantly, he fights for me; he makes a grand gesture

Yes, this list is WAY longer than I ever imagined. But, it’s what I want and I’m finally not afraid to say so.

I loved this post so much, that I wanted to repost it in its entirety here. It’s a good reminder of how to choose some of the people you decide to keep in your life and why you should let others go.

I went on a date last night and then you texted and asked, again, whether I would come there. Start our days with coffee, end with you making dinner. Forever. I feel myself tug towards yes and then I remember why it will always be no with you and I.

There are people in your life who are going to love you for all of the wrong reasons. They will love you for the best part of your face, the best part of you naked, the best mood on your best day, the best story you ever wrote, the best outfit you ever wore.

They are going to miss the scar on the underside of your nose from the time your older brothers dared you to run across a pile of logs. They won’t know that you fell on a hidden nail just as you completed the challenge. They’ll miss the scar on your finger, too from the time you were seven and closed a swiss army knife on it. They won’t understand that these are two of only a handful of things you can remember about your childhood. They’ll notice that you have great tits, but they’ll miss that your thumb tucks into their palm when you’re walking together and that your eyes have darker circles when a migraine is coming. They won’t know you get migraines. They won’t ask where the story you wrote came from, so they’ll never know that it was true. They’ll love it because it feels real to them. They’ll miss knowing the sweatshirt full of holes that they criticized you for wearing was your dads. You might tell them some of these things along the way, but they will remember the best things instead.

They will love your good moods, your energy, your sense of humor, but miss that you never turn to them, but rather to a shower or a pillow or the back of your throat to shed tears. They won’t ever consider you strong.

When the parts that aren’t your best come out, some people will shield their eyes as if you have just forced them to look directly into the sun for hours until their irises burn. They’ll silently make you promise to never show them that again. Those things are not to be shown. Be at your best so I can love you. I would love you more if only you never show me those things.

And you do not marry those people. You do not sit and sleepily drink coffee with those people. You leave those people and you remind yourself that they missed the better parts of you.